Can we just talk about how hard and tiring this love thing is? I mean, we’re still going to do it and we still absolutely love it but can we just rant for a bit?
My favorite genre of anything is romance. My favorite songs are love songs, my favorite books are romance novels and my favorite movies have romance as the central theme. I’m into a very specific kind of K-drama, the ones with romance as the central theme. I have also been with My Person for more than 3 years now. All this is to say that I consider myself a proper lover girl.
If love for the sake of love was the point, I think we would all be having a swell time. What tires me out is the politics of love. The endless list of things you have to consider and constantly remind yourself of. They say you should learn to make compromises in order to make the relationship work but they also say to not lose yourself. They say to be vulnerable with your partner but they also say to carry yourself in away that will prevent “See Finish”. Some will tell you not to have sex until you have a ring, others will tell you that you can do whatever you want but you have to make sure he respects you. Please, what are the steps to take to ‘make’ a fully formed adult respect you? Your parents tell you to find a person that is responsible and Godfearing but MUST be from a particular local government and must attend a particular church. Then there’s the blogs that tell you the five sex positions you must master to keep your man, which is simply hilarious because, what if I’m a good old fashioned pillow princess whose favorite flavor is vanilla?
One minute you’re giddy and so happy because you’re in love and the next minute, you’re upset because your person slept off during a movie that you picked so that must mean they don’t respect your choices. Or worse, they sleep off during a movie they picked which in my opinion is more infuriating. For real, what is it with men and falling asleep?
Trusting someone with your heart is no easy feat. Contrary to popular opinion, there’s actually nothing you can do to make a person treat you better or treat you how you want them to. It is completely up to them and that is the dicey part. It is not enough that you love them but do they love you the way you need to be loved? Do they think the cute ways you show that you want them are just simply irritating? Do they prefer a more “mature” show of love in lieu of the childlike way you show love? Or a more childlike love when you couldn’t be bothered by that?
What is exhausting (and annoyingly, also beautiful) about love is that it is not totally up to you. You can only control so much and you can only do so much. All the advice and opinions about love are both useless and useful. “Date someone who likes you oh. Date your friend!” Gee, why didn’t I think of that? Such a novel discovery. All the outside factors take away the fun and make it a bit exhausting. I love love and I love being in love. Throw the politics away.
What kind of person are you this month? Are you crazy in love, exhausted in love, not in love or just simply in love? Tell us in the comment section.
20s Living is a column by best friends Ehi and Tee about not so random life experiences of 20 something year olds. This column promises to be quite relatable. As people in our 20s, we’re all going through the same damn things, navigating fast paced environments where love, work and self-development reign supreme.
In their debut column, Tee vents about love. Connect with Ehi and Tee on Instagram.
